How to Help Your Kid Avoid Drifting Through Life

Meet Alex. He’s 19, a freshman in college, and by all accounts, doing well. He’s smart, well-liked, and has a good head on his shoulders. But when it comes to making big life decisions, Alex struggles. Press him on what he believes or values, and he’ll shrug. He’s just following the crowd, going through the motions.

His parents encouraged him to major in business because it’s the “smart choice,” so that’s what he’s doing. But deep down, he’s always loved storytelling and filmmaking. He never questioned whether he believed in pursuing passion over practicality—he just assumed creative careers weren’t “real.” Now, as he lines up internships he has no interest in, he wonders why he feels so empty while others around him seem excited about their futures.

It doesn’t stop there. Alex falls into an unhealthy relationship where his girlfriend constantly criticizes him. His friends warn him, but he shrugs it off. He’s never thought about what he believes he deserves in a relationship or if he values respect over just being with someone. He tolerates mistreatment because he has no internal standard for what a healthy relationship should look like.

His social life follows the same pattern. His friends start partying. It makes him uncomfortable, but he joins in because he’s never thought through what he believes about fitting in versus staying true to himself. He never defined whether he values authenticity over approval.

Why Beliefs and Values Matter

Alex isn’t an anomaly. If a kid doesn’t take the time to define what they believe (truths about life, themselves, and the world) and what they value (what’s most important to them), they’ll drift—letting others make their choices for them. This is how kids end up in unfulfilling careers, toxic relationships, and unhealthy social circles.

But this is avoidable. If Alex had taken the time to explore his beliefs and values, he could have:
✅ Chosen a career that aligns with his passions instead of defaulting to others’ expectations.
✅ Set healthy boundaries in relationships instead of tolerating mistreatment.
✅ Made intentional social choices instead of following the crowd.

How Parents Can Help

You can’t force your kid to adopt your beliefs and values—but you can help them reflect on and define their own.Here’s how:

1️⃣ Clarify Your Own Beliefs & Values. Kids need examples. Ask yourself: What do I believe is right, good, and true? What values do I prioritize? Then, model those beliefs and values in your own life.

2️⃣ Have Intentional Conversations. Don’t just assume your kid will “figure it out.” Ask them thought-provoking questions:

• What do you believe makes life meaningful?
• What kind of person do you want to be?
• What values guide your decisions?

3️⃣ Encourage Writing & Reflection. Thinking is good, but writing clarifies. Suggest they journal or write out their answers to big questions about their future, identity, and beliefs.

4️⃣ Expose Them to Different Perspectives. Help them explore different ideas—through books, experiences, mentors—so they can critically examine their own views.

5️⃣ Support Their Journey. They don’t have to adopt your beliefs or values exactly, but they do need a framework to evaluate life’s decisions. Give them the space to wrestle with what truly matters to them.

Final Thought

Alex’s story is real—and it happens all the time. But with a little guidance, reflection, and conversation, you can help your kid build a strong identity, make intentional choices, and step into adulthood with confidence.

So, here’s your challenge:
This week, take time to reflect on your own beliefs and values. Then, start a conversation with your kid. Ask them: What do you think is true about the world? What’s most important to you?

They might not have answers right away, but asking the questions is the first step.