Don't Give Your Kid Bad Career Advice

 I recently had a bit of a swing-and-miss moment with my teenage son. We’ve been discussing his future plans together regularly, so in hindsight, I should’ve been more prepared. I will share the insight I had days later—a warning and heads-up so you’re better prepared to coach your kid when the situation arises. 

On the way to the driving range, he said in the car one afternoon: “Hey, Dad, what do you think about me going into finance?”

Now, if you knew anything about my career trajectory, you’d be laughing out loud—at least a quick chuckle. The fact that he’s considering finance at all is like some ironic cosmic wink. At seventeen years old, I planned to pursue a career in finance. It was the family business, filled with certainty, respectability, and security. I spent years pursuing it—it’s why I chose the university I attended, my major, and all of my work experience. Going into finance was the story I told everyone, including myself, and it organized my life trajectory into a tidy, comfortable script. 

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the path for me. 

So, back to the car with my son…all of a sudden, I’m tongue-tied. One part of me wants to be a thoughtful sage for him, offering tailored, practical advice. Another part of me wants to laugh out loud, too, and look around for the candid cameras. I’m tempted to yell: “No way! You can’t do that; it’s not the path we’re on anymore.” What I realize, though, is I don’t really know how to answer him in this moment or how to help. So, on the spot, I say, “Well, why don’t I set up conversations with friends of mine who are in finance, and you can hear from them?” (That’s what we did, which you can read more about here or watch here.)

Two days later, I realized the moment that I missed. My son is still in the Discovery Phase of figuring out who he is, what he’s made of, his values, priorities, fundamental beliefs, and what kind of person he wants to become. But, he asked me a Discernment Phase question. He’s narrowing down all of the options in the world to one choice and then asking for my input. 

The problem now is clear to me: It’s nearly impossible to discern accurately if you haven’t discovered and defined the fundamental parts of who you are and want to be. Really, at that point, it’s not discernment; it’s guessing. I’m offering random opinions; he’s thinking through his emotions and stress. It’s unhelpful and unproductive. 

Making concrete life decisions based on conjecture, emotions, or hearsay is a recipe for regret and wasted time. 

Rather, we want to help our kids make informed, rational, and thoughtful decisions. We want them to have clear, confident answers to life’s most pressing questions so they can discern their options well. 

The next time he starts a conversation with me, I will do my best to assess which phase we’re in. In the meantime, I’m not going to wait for him to Discover his answers to life’s critical questions; that’s my job. I’m going to define what they are, guide him step-by-step, share my answers for him to reflect on, and set up conversations for him to have with people I respect and admire.

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