Be Your Kid’s Personal Highlight Reel: Helping Them See Their Value

Our kids are constantly facing a barrage of messages that chip away at their sense of worth. Social media, school, sports—they’re all arenas where the underlying message is often the same: You’re not good enough unless you’re more attractive, more accomplished, or more popular. It’s exhausting, and it can leave them feeling like they’ll never measure up.

This is where the science of mattering can make all the difference. Mattering is the sense that you are valued by others and that you add value to the world around you. Research shows that kids who feel like they matter experience lower rates of anxiety and depression, stronger relationships, and higher academic engagement. As parents, we have a powerful opportunity to help our kids feel like they matter by grounding them in the truth of who they are—and how far they’ve come.

One way to do this is by acting as their personal highlight reel, like their own SportsCenter Top 10. When your kid feels down or overwhelmed, remind them of the setbacks they’ve pushed through and the accomplishments they’ve earned. It’s not about empty praise or sugarcoating reality. It’s about helping them see their growth and resilience through a lens they might not be able to see for themselves.

For example, let’s say your kid is feeling defeated after struggling on their soccer team—they missed a key goal, and now they’re doubting whether they’re any good at all. As their personal highlight reel, you can step in:

"Hey, I know today didn’t go the way you wanted. But remember when you first joined the team last year? You barely knew how to pass the ball, and now you’re the one setting up plays for your teammates. I saw you working hard during practice this week—you’ve come so far, and this is just one tough day in the middle of an incredible journey."

When we do this, we’re not just encouraging them—we’re helping them build a narrative of resilience. We’re reminding them that setbacks don’t define them, but how they respond does. By pointing out specific examples of their progress—whether academically, socially, or in their hobbies—we help them see that they are capable and valued.

This practice builds confidence rooted in reality. It teaches them to connect their effort with growth and their struggles with strength. It also reinforces that they are seen and valued by you, their parent—a message that can drown out the negativity they encounter elsewhere.

The next time your kid feels like they’re not enough, take a moment to reflect back on their highlights. Show them the story of their growth, resilience, and value. It might be just the reminder they need to keep going, to believe in themselves, and to feel like they matter in this big, messy world.