Scott Schimmel 0:15
Hey, welcome to another episode of The You School podcast. I'm Scott Schimmel the host. And today we're talking about honestly one of the best topics in conversations to have The You School platform. It's talking about helping a kid discover their strengths. I'm imagining you're either a parent, or you work with kids, if you're listening to this, or watching this. And one of the most important things that we do, the opportunity that we have, and the role that we play, is to help a kid. And I'll say it really plainly figure out who they aren't and who they're not. And I know for me, I wish in hindsight that I had had earlier help in that I did get the help, I did get the support, I did get the marine that I need, the validation affirmation, all that stuff. But it was it was relatively late, it was more like towards the end of college, 2122 years old, before I was having any of those kinds of conversations. Because before that, what happened was, I was trying to be someone that I wasn't, and that is a key, obviously key thing that many, many, many people do, especially the teenage years, when you're trying on different identities, trying to figure out who you are, it's, it's, of course, normal, it's natural, it's a part of growing up. But what I did was I decided to be someone that I wasn't, and every adult in my life was like, good, because, because the thing that I said that I was going to do was something that was really stable. And so here's a few of the problems when it comes to helping a kid discover their strengths, we still have a message, particularly because of college admissions, that students have to be well rounded. And just by that nobody is actually well rounded, no one's designed to be well rounded. But that's, that's the expectation and the burden and the pressure. So just by the very nature of hey, you're gonna need to have a 4.4 GPA, you need to be have high test scores in SATs or ACT to however that process works. We need you to be good in math, we need to be good in literature, we need to be good in languages, we also need you to be good in the arts and the science. I mean, it's so right out of the gates, we're setting up kids to do a really unhelpful, a process that doesn't set them up well to really discover themselves out. And on top of that, and I know this, I still do this, even though I'm The You School guy. We inadvertently, unconsciously, subconsciously, adults often try to make young people into an image that we want them to be, we see something in them that that is also true in us. And so we triple down on that. Because there's a linkage there, there's, there's a shared interest, there's a shared personality trait or designed. And so we really push that and of course, kids kids want to be validated, they want to be valuable. And if they hear us saying, Hey, you ought to be really good in this because I see it in you. And, you know, you're actually kind of aborting a part of the discovery process they need to go through. Adults, often, like I mentioned, steer kids towards stability and security rather than their true identity. That's rough. Let me say that, again, adults often steer kids towards stability and security, rather than their true identity. Why? Because we feel anxious, we want them to do well. We want them to be off our payroll, we want them to be able to be self sufficient. And the fear is if we steer them towards what they're interested in, and what they're wired for, what if they choose something that doesn't have an income attached, or that no one wants to pay them for it? And they're constantly disappointed? We want we don't want them to be disappointed. We want them to thrive and do well. And the biggest metric of that in the adult years is incomes getting paid for. But consider what I would say economic terms the opportunity cost of living, living someone else's life. Many of us adults have done just that. And we inadvertently put that same burden on our kids. "There's no point in trying to figure out who you are and what you're wired for. Because I haven't either. So what you got to do is just pick something, put your head down, do it well. And the rest will take care of itself." I'm here to say no. No, you don't have to wait until your mid to late 30s or 50s or retirement to figure out what makes you come alive, what you're wired for, and then to organize your life around it. So the real question underneath all of this, that we have to ask kids and put the burden of an expectation of an answer on them is "Who are you really? Who are you?" And then be the support.
If we can help a kid discover their strengths, and find out their wiring, we are giving them the joy of being authentic. And the alignment and integration of being a whole human. That's, I think, probably the biggest gift that we can give them. Not to mention, I've done some research, I didn't look it up again for this one, but I've done research in the past. And it's it's fascinating that if you feel like you're more aligned to your strengths in your career, you're actually make an earn more money over time over your lifetime. And so you might look down the path and say, engineering or law or business, that's where the money is. But if you're down that path, and it's not who you are authentically, it's it's out of alignment with you, it's not something that you're naturally good at, you're not going to do well, you're not going to make as much money as you could have. And that's ironic. So it's not just because we want them to feel good. It's not just because we believe in them or want the best for them. There's also a grounded, logical rational, if we can help them discover their strengths early, the path that they could get on, and with passion and interest and actual talent, they will earn more money, there's actually a practical reason to do this, too. And on the flip side, of course, now, if you just kind of look out, and if you're listening to this probably means you've hired people before you have a team of colleagues. No one really employees don't want well rounded employees. Employers wants people who are passionate and committed and bring energy and talent and unique perspective and solve problems. People who learn and listen and are emotionally intelligent. And the basis the foundation of emotional intelligence is self awareness. Not just people who meet expectations, not just people who are drones show up to work to do a job. So what does it look like to help a kid discover their strengths? Here's a practical way to do it, you start looking to point out things that you see in them that are unique, you are a mirror to them a neutral mirror without any sort of excitement, or disappointment. Either way, you just say I've noticed that I've noticed that you seem drawn to. Or I've noticed that something that comes easily to you is, or I've noticed something that you do in your free time, even when you don't have to because of an assignment or homework is or I've noticed compared to your peers, they look to you as so those are prompts as your sentence starters, those are conversation starters. And they don't need to hear that once in their life. When it's time to pick a career. Think about college, you start that when they're seven, and then 10 and 11. And every single week, and you just become a mirror that continues to reflect back the truth of who they are. And if as you do that, as you reflect that as you start sharing things and start making observations, neutral observations, to help them the next question, the next set of questions and inquiry would be and how does that? How do you experience it when you do that? So you might tell a kid, Hey, I've noticed that when you're around a group of friends, you seem to be the one that comes up with an idea or a plan. That's that's the observation. And then they can react. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. And then you say, what is it that you're doing there? Do you notice that there's some disorganization? You just notice that people are feeling bored? And then respond? Or is it like you just you just don't like it. So you're helping them go to the next layer internally for what's going on in their experience of that particular strength? That's something that we can do, as adults as parents and educators. So what does it look like for you today, in this week, to be that mirror that neutral mirror to help a kid, see clearly who they are and who they could be? What a gift what a gift. I wish, if you're gonna do I wish you had done that for me when I was 14 and 16, and 8, and 20. Wish you'd come and do that for me now. So what a gift to bring to other people to be a neutral mirror to help them see themselves as they really are. Hey, thanks for joining in on the uscho podcast, we'd love to share with you the resources available on our website at theyouschool.com not just articles, ebooks, worksheets and other podcast episodes. But specifically you should know about a free course we have available called The Real Me course. It's digital, it's interactive, and it'll guide you to get clear about who you are in the great story you can tell with your life. So go register for a free account and get started on The Real Me course today at theyouschool.com That's the you school dot com
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
