Scott Schimmel (00:06.318)
There's a difference between a change that you go through. Think of changes, I could have a list of bullet points of different changes you might go through. Change of job, change of career, change of relationship status, change of availability, change of schedule. You might move somewhere. There's so many different kinds of changes, but transition related.
Maybe you can use synonymously in many contexts, but transition's actually different. Transition is the season that's wrapped up around the change. Now, let me kind of ground it for our purposes. Graduating from school is a change. And there are other changes associated with it. If you make a list, okay, I'm graduating, what are all the things that are changing? I'm changing what I do every day. I'm changing where I go. I'm changing...
how I relate to other people. I'm changing how often I see someone or not. I'm changing even the status of my identity. Like I have an ID card and I'm no longer associated with that ID card. I have a new identity, alumni. There's all these changes, but if you look through the lens of transition, you would see that there's a whole host of other things wrapped up around that change. The change is the diploma, the change is the moment on a stage, the change is...
Turning the tassel from one side of the next I can never remember which side it is but transition are Multiple stages around that change. There's a whole ending Losing letting go face. I'm drawing content right now from a classic book called managing transitions by William Bridges published I believe in 1991. This is like the classic Organizational behavior organizational theory concept on transition
And it's equally applicable, if not more, to our personal lives. So change is the diploma and the change of status of your student relationship, but the transition, you're losing so much. And he would say, William Bridges would say, it's not the change that trips you up, it's the transition. It's the stuff happening underneath the surface. And in fact, it's the emotional part of the change that really
Scott Schimmel (02:29.036)
distract you. What happens when we fail to address or name or spend time engaging with the losing, the ending, the letting go, the grieving is that a couple things. One, we might carry that with us inadvertently into the next season where you find yourself in a new place because of the change but emotionally, relationally, even spiritually you're back in the old place and it's hard to be present if you're carrying
or allowed yourself to be kind of trapped by old experiences, old feelings, unresolved, unexpressed emotions. Also, when we fail to properly give time and space or guide other people to give time and space to express and let go and share their emotions, it can oftentimes, as we go through the changes, trigger a sense of anxiety or fear or stress or pressure, which are inherent in changes.
And it can actually turn off the part of our brain that we desperately need to think clearly, to think through our values, to be able to connect dots, to be able to think and project into the future. In other words, our prefrontal cortex. I'm trying to make a case for how and why forgetting and neglecting to pay attention to transition, all the side of transition that deals with the emotional side of things. If we fail to do that, if we fail to lead kids through that experience, they will not be fully ready.
to embrace the stuff on the other side of transition, which is the new beginnings. And so learning to pay attention to what's underneath the surface. And here's how it sounds. Here's how it sounds when it doesn't go well. Hey, you're graduating soon. You must be so excited. Hey, what's next? What are your next plans? Oh my gosh, it's gonna be awesome. You're gonna have the time of your life. It's all this focus on what's next. And the kid listening to that, yeah, there's truth to that. I am excited. I am looking forward.
I do think that's gonna be the time of my life. However, what I'm losing, what I'm letting go of, what I'm no longer gonna have is very important to me as well. And if you don't name that and give them time and space, it's gonna be hard to embrace the new thing. And so I find that people tend to be in one of three camps.
Scott Schimmel (04:49.198)
Either they're all about, let's just move forward, move forward, move forward. Don't worry. It's so exciting. It's the next thing. It's awesome. Or the type of person who's just wants to dwell. Oh my gosh. It's going to be so sad. I can't believe you're growing up. It's going to be so awful. I'm never going to see you again. Oh gosh. That's just as bad. And then there's someone who's just right in the middle. He's completely numb and neutral and doesn't talk about either side. Okay. Well, you're just going through it. I mean, it's just the stage of life, whatever. Everyone goes through it.
But the fourth way is what I'm recommending. And this is what William Bridges recommends as well. To look at both sides, to embrace both sides and to give time and attention to name, express, underneath the surface, equal parts. I am both sad and I'm going to miss and I appreciate what I've been through. And I want to express that. You can express that in writing a letter. You can express that in doing a monument, making a scrapbook, making a song, making a slideshow, giving a speech.
but I'm also here the things that I'm looking forward to. I'm excited about these things. I can't wait for this. I'm thrilled about, and we hold both of those things true. And that is the basis for integration, for mental health and spiritual health. And it's the foundation that every single kid needs and you and I need it as well. So don't be overwhelmed by the transition. Learn to understand what's happening. Learn to recognize in yourself.
when you're going through it and you're not thinking at your best to take a step back and process, what am I neglecting to name? What am I neglecting to? If I had the freedom, what would I say? What would I feel? What would I share? And then do it and see what happens.
