Scott Schimmel (00:03.534)
What do you do if you have a kid that doesn't seem to be that concerned about the future? Maybe not as concerned as you are about their future well -being and not just their well -being but their ability to like pay the bills and that sort of thing. My name is Scott Schimel. I'm the president and chief guide of the You school and for the past 20 years, all I've been doing is helping young adults transition confidently to adulthood. In this episode, we're gonna get into that conversation. How do you...
match at the very least, if not increase the level of concern that your kid has for their future. Some kids are predisposed towards feeling anxious. And if you got a kid like that, this is probably not the conversation for them. You don't want to increase their anxiety or their stress. You want to dial it down. We've got other conversations, other episodes about that. But chances are, if you've got more than one kid, you've got at least one of them.
who just kind of has this like no worries mate attitude. It's all gonna work out. And you're sitting there watching them on their phones. Not taking initiative with SAT, ACT not taking initiative to select a major. When you ask them about their plans for the summer, I don't know. And you've tried that kind of like, well, you've tried the stick, you've tried the carrot. You're just quite not sure how to help them. I remember years ago, one of my kids, we,
after a practice or a game, if I forget which, we came home and this very new expensive glove that we had just purchased after many pleas and requests was not in the bag. So it's back at the field, right? And as we're driving back quickly, so it's not lost or stolen, I start to realize, why am I more concerned about your glove than you are? We get there and I'm much more frantic, kind of like jogging.
looking under the bleachers, looking under the dugout bench, no glove. And as we're walking back to the car, my kid kind of taps me, it's okay daddy, we'll just get a new one. And all the way home I'm like, my gosh, what if I, how have I not sent this message across? This is your glove. There's no magic fairy of money falling off of the trees. Expensive glove was your glove. Fortunately we found it. So,
Scott Schimmel (02:27.694)
life lesson averted. But that same attitude can be picked up and carried on, carried forward in life. And on one level, maybe it is a helpful attitude that your kid would have that it all is all going to work out someday. But chances are, if your kid is like most human beings, what they try to avoid at almost any cost is discomfort, fear. And out of that, what they choose to do is to adopt an attitude.
of not worrying about things. And that actually turns into, you're not crazy to think this, it actually turns into procrastination. It turns into missed deadlines. And what I would say is that there are appropriate moments, appropriate thresholds, appropriate milestones to hit on this journey from adolescence and childhood to a self -sufficient adulthood. And part of that is getting clear, getting clear about who you are and getting clear about what your options are.
What I think our kids need is for us to help them look with a realistic perspective at their future. One example is I've got a kid who loves to surf and surfing requires a few things, surfboard, natural ability, but it particularly requires the beach waves. And I know you know this, but the closer you want to be to surfing, the more expensive.
life is gonna cost. So we've had a series of conversations over the years where it's turned into how much do you think that house costs? And what I've been trying to do is help widen the perspective to not just consider how much that house costs, but to put it in a proper perspective to be able to afford a house like that. Here is the kind of income that you would need. And let's widen the circle, let's widen the radius.
Look at those apartments along the freeway, nevertheless, near the beach. Let's actually look up on the phone how much those apartments cost per month to rent. Now you factor that in and there's some easy calculators. That is one side of raising the level of concern. In order to be able to live here to do something that you love, you're going to have to pay the rent for that kind of view. The closer you are to the better view, the higher the cost is, the higher the rent is.
Scott Schimmel (04:54.734)
And that's one level of concern. And that can do some sobering, realistic, let's talk about that. And in addition to that, I've found that it's really helpful to introduce them to people. People that are farther along the journey in terms of age, but not much farther along in terms of clarity. And to actually hear and see goes to Christmas future. Here's what it's like when...
somebody and they'll warn you they'll actually have conversations. I wish that I had thought about this when I was your age. That's another way to raise the level of concern. There's statistics as well. 52 % of 28 year olds are underemployed, which means they do not have a job in the major that they chose, the major that they graduated with. And they're likely working in retail, food service or administration.
nothing wrong with those things, but if you're going to get a university degree, pay a lot of money, take on quite a bit of debt, I don't think that should be the case. And some people would point out kind of the macroeconomic, you know, indicators or factors that make that stat what it is. I would point directly at the lack of clarity and conviction at a young age. So if you want to, by a certain point, be able to do things like own a home,
raise a family, live near things that you enjoy, you have to prioritize. You have to prioritize and make plans. And I believe that looking at those facts and figures, looking at those stories will help a kid have an appropriate level of stress, which psychologists would say there's a bad kind of stress and a good kind of stress. What we're trying to do is strike that balance. We're not giving them.
unhealthy stress, a burden of stress that manifests itself in worry or anxiety or fear, but healthy stress always induces growth. Remember when you first joined the team and the coach said, I'm going to put a lot of stress on you over this next few weeks. And if you respond to this stress, you're going to grow faster, stronger, and a better communication with the team. That kind of stress induces growth.
Scott Schimmel (07:16.878)
That's the kind of stress, that's the kind of concern that we want our kids to have. So what it looks like is bringing up early, bringing up often. Invite them to look and see clearly what the future can hold. Help them see what the stakes are. Point it out to them. And then more than anything, so that we don't kind of go down that path of unhealthy stress or anxiety or worry, we need to balance that with a high degree of hope.
We've talked about hope before. There's other episodes, articles that we've read in the Science of Hope. The definition of hope is that tomorrow will be better. That's you know, it sounds like kind of a no worries mate. It's all gonna work out but the qualifier in the Science of Hope is tomorrow's gonna be better and I have a part to play in making it so.
Hope, real hope is when you've got clarity on something that you want, a goal. And you match that and start pursuing that goal with a high degree of willpower because it's important to you. And along the way, there will be roadblocks. There will be dead ends. And high hope people will say, that's okay. I don't give up. I don't go into a hole to hide. I look for another way. I look for another path.
a better path, a more efficient, a more effective path. If this doesn't work today, I will try again tomorrow. I know there's something that I can always do to figure it out. We want to provide that supportive kind of hope to and with our kids along the journey. Here's the reality. Here's the stakes. Here's what happens to the kinds of people who don't think about these things at this age. But don't worry. I'm going to show you and walk with you step by step along the way. And you have what it takes to figure this out.
It can work if you do it. So raising a level of concern to our kids is a loving thing to do. In fact, it's probably one of the most loving things to do for a young adult. To keep reminding them this is your life. These are your responsibilities. I'm not here to rescue you, but I'm here to support you. You've got to do the work. If you want this kind of life, let's get after it. Raising a level of concern. It's what loved us. It's what we do.
Scott Schimmel (09:40.59)
when we love somebody.
